im worried

princesssp8 · Joined: 27 Jun 2005 Posts: 12

I am having a bit of a panic here, my h2bs parents are very demanding (to be put nicely) and they are stressing me out already, we arent even getting married till nxt yr but they are constantly going on about how much its going to be and i dont see why as they arent paying a penny towards it they wont either (havent offered have shown no interest at all)
they had tried to stop us from having the reception where we had decided as they had been there once to a wedding and they didnt like the food so they have now decided that we cant get married there because of that (regardless of the fact that its beautiful and we want to have it there)
so tuff we are, and it sorta died down as they have moved 300 miles away from us, but they came over last weekend and stayed with us, and all they did was moan about how much it was going to cost and that they wouldnt spend that sort of money and that it was a waste and why couldnt we just go off and get married on our own abroad! i had to hold my breath i felt like turning round and saying get lost its not you thats paying its not your wedding, and beleive it or not just because you dont want to see us get married there are plenty of others who are! (if only i could say that!)
i dont see why they need to be so selfish, h2bs dad is moaning that he doesnt want to wear a top hat and tails either and are threatening that they wont wear it? i am getting so paranoid (already) that they are gonna wreck it. his dad is so going to embarress me???

Mo*14/7/06* · Joined: 02 May 2005 Posts: 58

I have had similar comments regarding cost of wedding, because we have been together 7 years and have children together, the comments are like, why you bothering to get married after all this time, put the money towards something else, spend it on the kids. I dont think people realise how much these comments hurt, we are doing it cos we live each other and want to make a commitment to each other in the way WE WANT and thats all that matters, try dropping a few hints saying that you have had a bit of moaning but whatever has been said you aint changing your plans for anyone and as you are paying for it if people dont like it then your not forcing them to come to your wedding but it would be a shame if they couldn't be happy for you. GOOD LUCK

Rebecca · Joined: 18 Sep 2005 Posts: 1

It makes my blood boil. So very annoying that with every little stab they have at you - it takes away just a little bit of your happiness. Try not to let them get you down - If he dosen't want to wear top and tails, let him go without - he is the one that will feel left out on the day!

Guest · Posted: Wed Sep 21, 2005 9:36 am Post subject: thanks u guys

thank you all, its just so depressing already and i havent even started properly planning it all yet, and already i am dreading my wedding day (not the act day but them i think!) its making me sooo worried now so ill hate to think what ill be like a month before it? Crying or Very sad

maxine · Joined: 15 Sep 2005 Posts: 2

Try not to worry too much. I heard my aunty say similar things to my cousin when she was planning her wedding, always seemed to be whinging and telling her what to do. My mum confronted her and my aunt honestly thought she was helping! had no idea that what she was saying was being taken as critisism!!

Just bite your tongue for a bit longer and concentrate on having a wonderful day and ignore any negative relatives Very Happy

Louise · Guest

At times like this where there are emotions flying high it can be a good idea to get someone else involved who is impartial to it all just to tell you that you are well within your rights to feel this way and it is your day and they are being completely out of order. many wedding planners offer this advise to bride to be's so if you are feeling that it is getting on top of you then find out where your local planner is and ask her / him for a consultation. i am a wedding planner and it is a service that i offer to all bride to be's and it really helps. It is soo important that you have the day just as you want it and it will help talking to someone impartial.
I would like to wish you well with your wedding and i am sure it will be amazing.

princesssp8 · Joined: 27 Jun 2005 Posts: 12

Thanks everyone, well we are off to see them this weekend, (they live 300+ miles away now)
and i am just going to wait and see what they are going to be like, we havent seen them in over a month and half. so hopefully they will have more better/nicer things to say than just moan about our wedding and the cost. I spoke to my mum about it and my best friend (she is going ballistic) my mum is fine she was just like ignore them they arent here and they arent paying so its up to me how i want my wedding, and not to let them wreck it, (took the calming down approach like mums do)
it really is sooo bad because i am going to have to have two hen nights (ok thats not too bad is it really oops) as me and mum were speaking about mother in law 2 be and my mum was like she will not approve of you having a good night and getting a bit tipsy Rolling Eyes

so we are going to have one hen night with her (and h2bs brothers wife) who is a total brown noser to mother in law 2 be, and itll be something all nice and calm and no drinking as they both dont drink!
and then i am going to have a "proper" hen night somewhere else with everyone but them, its a bit nasty i know but i couldnt not have a good night, and this way they are involved but not (if you get me)?
so hopefully this weekend will be ok??? its just worrying and i know that i am trying to do the best by everyone, but i can see it all going wrong? Crying or Very sad

hearts · Joined: 27 Sep 2005 Posts: 10

Good luck for the weekend! A very wise idea about the two hen nights, spot on!

If you can get away with it, i would try and slip into the conversation how great your mum is being - its cheeky but it might make her stop and think about it. Wink

loggy · Joined: 06 Oct 2005 Posts: 8

OMG how did it go?

waiting in anticipation!

princesssp8 · Joined: 27 Jun 2005 Posts: 12

God it was rubbish i hated every min i was there nearly! Crying or Very sad

all they did was moan about the wedding cost. It was mostly about food costs too! all they did was ask me what food we were having for that price and then i told them we were thinking of having lamb something (as we both love lamb) and then on sunday dinner when we sat down and had LAMB!!! all his dad did was say "look this joint cost 9 and its feeding us 5 no problem with the cost of veg say its 15 etc," and then he was rabbiting on about how much we were going to be paying for lamb and i was just so frustrated sitting there! and then they started asking me how much i was going to spend on my dress and they then started "guiding me" on what prices theyd pay.
Twisted Evil

And to make it all worse they kept saying to my h2b about moving down to be nearer to them and how much nicer its is where they live and that we would love it by the sea, (yeah i would love it by the sea as long as they arent anywhere near us tho!!!) so then my h2bs like oh yeah thatd be really nice. I dont see why i should move 300(ok its 280 something) miles away from all my friends and family just because they decided to bugger off somewhere!!! they should of thought of that before they moved there! and now his mum esp is giving him h2b a guilt trip big time, saying things like we wont see our grandchildren etc.
and to put the icing on tha cake, she has now demanded that we go for crimbo!!! even tho we already had planned to spend our 1st christmas in our house together and had planned to see friends and most of my family who are all going to my mums who lives 10 mins away! so now she has messed that all up! i dont mind seeing them, but considering h2b was going i am not driving all that way for xmas etc. and then when she lays the guilt trip of "this will be the first year we dont spend christmas with our sons!" and nearly started crying! so he just sat there and said yes!!! much to my disbelief (of both of them!!)
but other than that weather was nice! and we saw his nan and grandad (who are sooo lovely!)

loggy · Joined: 06 Oct 2005 Posts: 8

You poor thing!

I was hoping they would have calmed down a bit, but they seem to have picked up speed along the way.

I fail to see how THEY can be the ones to move away and then guilt trip you about not seeing grandchildren that haven't even been born yet, or have the sensitivity to understand that you want to have christmas at your own home. They sound like nightmares!!

I don't think that you should argue with them and upset the applecart, i know i wouldn't argue with my MIL2B because its not worth it in the long run, but i really do understand your frustration at having to sit, listen, and agree to the tirade of ranting that seems to occur.

What did H2B say about it?

princesssp8 · Joined: 27 Jun 2005 Posts: 12

I know its all so frustrating, and the last thing i want to be doing is have a go, even tho thats the first thing i WANT to do!!!
i cant quite believe some of the things she says sometimes, which is maybe why i never say anything as i am too gobsmacked!
i dont really say that much to my h2b about it as i dont want to put him in that whole situation of being in between two people. Which is exactly what i think she is trying to do, i think she is trying to make him choose between us?? (if you know what i mean)? because that is the only reason that i can think of that she would be like this? i dont see why she feels she needs to do that i have never come between them etc, i let h2b do what he likes whenever he likes, which she doesnt like by the way. like for example he wants to buy a motorbike and take his test and all that, and she said to me are you going to let him get a bike? and i just said its up to h2b to do what he wants and if he wants a bike then he can (not quite said like that) and she just went...oooh well i wouldnt let him if i was you, dont let him?? and started getting all moody about it then, and i just said to her if its something he'll enjoy why should i stop him? and she just looked at me then (not very nicely) and then the conversation just stopped! and yeah i know she is only looking out for him, but thats just pathetic!
So all in all i cant escape from this woman (and her husband!) and i cant speak to my mum about it too much as it makes her mad and at this time when she is making it all special for me i dont want it hanging over us? if you know what i mean?
i am just stuck, because even if i try and very nicely,polietly and calmly say 2 mil2b that shes "doing my head in" i am going to look like a right idiot and a B***h!?

moccie · Joined: 29 Sep 2005 Posts: 2

Hiya,

I just had to reply to this post as it sounds just like my MIL2B.

It became very obvious a long time ago that she was never going to like me, i was never going to like her (for reasons very very silimar to your own) If i 'let' h2b do something she disaproved of then she got onto me about it (not him) and if she found out i was upset with h2b about anything, she would try and make out i was over reacting and make a big deal out of it!

My remedy for a sensible relationship with her was to try not to spend too much time with her. Stop trying to be her friend. Be polite but thats about it. Now we exchange pleasantries when we meet up for get togethers but thats about it. It really was the only way that we were going to get on without us falling out very badly.

I also understand that you don't want to hassle h2b with it all or your mum. I felt the same - but its GREAT to have a good old chat about it with friends (esp when they totally agree with you)

My advice is to keep doing what you are doing for the wedding, and when she starts nagging at you TRY not to listen to it too much or to analyse it too much, just nod randomly as though you are paying attention. This works for me with mil2b and my boss so its tried and tested.

Good luck to you xxx

jackie · Joined: 24 Sep 2005 Posts: 5

I really feel for you!

Do they complain alot in general, or is this complaining just focused at you and your H2B?

princesssp8 · Joined: 27 Jun 2005 Posts: 12

they dont really complain that much in general, it all seems to be focused on me and h2b, they dont have any respect for him and they dont think he will ever become anything, because he does computers and websites etc and as they dont understand and are from the time when the only work thats good work is manual labour! so they cannot see him working hard etc because they dont understand, but that just makes them look very shallow.
They constantly compare him to his younger brother (who is a right weirdo) and hasnt got a good job but because he is doing maunal work then his job is so much better than h2bs and that even tho his brother has been in trouble with the police, on more than one occasion, they still make out like the sun shines out his bum, and that h2b is nothing. it frustrates me a lot as they speak to h2b like a piece of s**t they constantly put him down, but my h2b doesnt see it and he is constantly trying to impress them, which is so hard to see. i dont really see what my h2b has done thats quite so bad (obv apart from being with me) and neither does he see what hes done, esp compared to his brother who is a right nightmare? i just dont understand it and its so annoying, and upsetting!