im worried

armbaka · Joined: 26 Oct 2005 Posts: 3

Blimey I can understand how upset you are Sad

Can't really offer much in the way of advice, it seems your stuck in a very annoying situation with future inlaws that can't see past their own noses.

Do you think it is possible for parents to be jealous of their own children? Because if they were friends of your H2B instead of parents, thats exactly what i would say the problem is Shocked

princesssp8 · Joined: 27 Jun 2005 Posts: 20

Yay went dress shopping last week i have found a gorge dress... so not what i expected and its even got a bit of pink going on, dont worry nothing like jordans!!! i love it and feel like a right Princess in it! lol bless i know.

Havent really heard much from the monsters recently, but they are coming to see us this weekend,(great fun) well technically they havent come to see us, they have come to see h2b bro and wife as they wont go and see them where they are living now,so they kindly and thoughtfully invited themselves to stay at ours while they go and see them (they cant stay at theirs no room, at mo) and then they have got a whole load of other people they are going to see! so basically they are having a free b&b off us, as ill still have to make sure the house is spotless and cook them food and all the other boring stuff while they are off swanning about being all fake to all the people they skanked up here when they moved! but hey ho! hopefully with them being sooo busy brown nosing all their old "friends" that we wont have to see them that much and we can just get on with our lives.
and i think what Armbaka said is totally right they (esp his mum) are jealous thats what i can only put it down to they seem so dissapointed in him and always want him to do bad etc. i think mil2b also has a serious issue with the fact that h2b doesnt ask her opinion anymore and she hasnt got any control over him like before, which is a sad way to be! Sad

joanie · Joined: 01 Dec 2005 Posts: 3

Just read the entire thread. Is there no end to their cheek Mad

princesssp8 · Joined: 27 Jun 2005 Posts: 20

Well i dont think there is ever gonna be an end to their moaning, have basically had a right rubbish weekend, they are doing my head in beyond belief and i am sure you guys are all fed up with reading my moaning (cuz i am fed up of moaning) what has been the cherry on the icing now (just when i thought it couldnt get worse) we have decided not to have small babies at wedding, no not because we are scrooges etc, but because all my friends wedings i have been to so far have always had someone who has missed the wedding etc, or had a baby crying, and we decided we didnt want that, i havent got anything against babies (quite opposite) but its one day its not the end of the world and most people like a break and to spend one day as a couple anyway, and im sure people wont like/agree with it, and i totally understand.
but we have decided and thats final, we have told people already and they are fine about it. well h2b told his mum a few days b4 they came, and h2bs holy great amazing (whatever) brother announced (about a month ago) that his perfect wife is pregnant!!!! which is no problem, so after them telling us i rang them and explained the sitiuation. they had no problem (app) but then this weekend his mum has gone mad at us, she has said they arent coming if they can bring thier baby, his mum and dad wont come either and neither will any of his family. which i can understand that they are p****d but its one day and its not as if they are never gonna see the baby again, and why cant they just respect our (and their sons) wishes for one whole day, i explaineto them that i cannot tell people that we dont want babies and the have her turn up there with one??? and if they have got a problem(his bro and wife) then why havent they come to us and said it? i said it to them myself and had the balls to do it??? but they have gone behind our backs with his mum and then she is now blackmailing us into doing what h2bs sis in law wants. i mean i didnt tell them what to do on their wedding day and i had no problems in doing what they wanted to do, i respected their wishes, like your supposed to? so now i dont know what to do??? my h2bs stuck in the middle as he sais why should he back down to them, as if he does now for the rest of his life they will think they can call the shots, but then he wont have any of his family there??? i dont see how i can "give in" if i have already made it clear to all friends who have babies that we werent having them, and then have her turn up with hers, its just going to make me so uncomfortable. i wouldnt mind if we were close to them but his brother wont even speak to me, whenever he calls up(and thats only when he wants something) he just blanks me, i ask how he is, and he just ignores that and then ask to speak to h2b!!!
SO i am so confused/annoyed/cant be bothered anymore/upset and all the other stuff. i dont feel like we are being unreasonable but obv we are because we arent doing what they (all of them) say!!!!

ppi · Joined: 31 Oct 2005 Posts: 3

It is a very reasonable request not to have babies at your wedding. Non of our guests have babies or toddlers but if they did I too would be asking the same thing. It is really annoying when kids are screaming throughout the ceremony/speeches and adults having to withdraw them from the room. Also it is not pleasant for very small children to be expected to stay quiet for long periods of time, and the loud disco music is not fair on babies for long periods of time.

Like you I adore kids. If i were a mother to a baby/toddler I wouldn't take them to a wedding anyway as I would prefer to have an enjoyable day where I could relax a bit.

I think they are arguing for the sake of argument and theres nothing you can say to make them happy.

I have been to weddings where no children at all have been allowed, and I even thought that was ok - no big deal.

Your not asking the earth. We attended a wedding a few years ago where we were asked for all the men to wear navy suits. My H2B didn't have one and we had to pay out quite a bit of money to find a suit he liked in navy. If you were asking something like that I could understand if people were getting a bit peeved.

I would be terribly upset if I were in your shoes right now and would personally tell them how much they are upsetting me - or more my style get my H2B to tell them Confused

bingo · Joined: 31 Oct 2005 Posts: 7

It is a very popular request not to have babies at weddings. I don't know many people who would actually want to have their baby at a wedding, like you say its nice for the parents to be a couple for a day.

Ignore them and perhaps they will go away Mad

princesssp8 · Joined: 27 Jun 2005 Posts: 20

the saga continues she is still moaning (mil2b) about it constantly all the time and she called us the other day,well h2b called her as his nan is ill and wanted to see how she was, noone was there so he left a message half hour later she called back and all she did for 2 and half hours was nag him about it!!!!!!! i mean it wasnt really the time to do it, and luckily h2b didnt back down, even tho i thought he would which is not belittleing him but he sometimes "just gives in" to keep the peace, he doesnt like confrontations! so in a way i feel quite bad because he is being put in a position where he is having to "chose" if you like and i dont know what to do, as i feel now if we as a couple give into them now that for the rest of our lives his mother esp is going to dictate to us because she knows she can, and also his brother and wife will know that as long as they go running to mummy that she will "sort us out" i now feel like it is turning into a decision that he shouldnt have to make and i now feel like i should just "give in" but then i will be doing something that is not what we wanted.
I dont understand them anyway, it has now gone from his brother and wife not coming at all to them just not coming to the night, which apparantley they werent going to anyway and we knew that? funny dont remeber anyone telling me that when i called them to explain the choice we had made. which is another thing this is all coming through the mum why hace his bro and wife not come to us, i mean considering i could have left it up to mil2b to tell them i didnt as soon as i knew she knew about it i called them as i know she would of and i wanted to be the one to tell them and so that they heard it from us considering its our wedding! im just picking now i know!
me and h2b dont speak about it and its not causing arguments (quite yet) but it leaves a bad atmosphere whenever she calls and nags. i dont know what to do i am fed up!
i mean its not the 1st (or last) thing they have moaned about they have moaned from the beg.... 1st it was the fact that we were getting married in a church, nxt it was where we were having the reception, then the cost (even tho they arent paying a penny, they wont either i reckon), then a whole best man issue came up (he HAD to have his bro even tho they dont get on) and now this........... and im sure plenty more to come. mil2b has even slagged my mum off to h2b saying that she never calls her about the wedding, well we havent really done anything, they live 200 miles away nearly so not as if she is down the road either, and everything we have discussed with her has been moaned about! so i wonder why! and she has got a phone hasnt she???? if she was that bothered then CALL!
anyway im gonna shut up sorry for mega long moan again (just like to get it off my chest)
dont like to worry h2b with it and it just stresses my mum out, and my best friend and sisters just want to knock her out but hey ho!

theshewfa · Joined: 19 Jan 2006 Posts: 4

I have just read the story. I can't believe how horrid family can be and how they seem to be intentionally detracting you from your happiness and adding to the stress of wedding planning.

I am a little worried too about my fellas Gran (she raised him as his mum was very sick and eventually died) She has never cut him loose from the apron strings and I think she fears him getting married because she won't have anyone to look after (we have lived together for 3 years so I don't see how us getting married will make any difference!)

We have only just started planning our wedding for july 2007, and already i am getting vibes that things might turn out similar to you. It is just the odd comment here and there, but i have asked Gary (my fella) to not mention wedding plans because i don't want her scrunching up her nose, my thoughts being if she dosen't know what we are doing she can't disaprove of it!

I hope she keeps her nose out and dosen't ask him too many questions because I don't want to fall out with her (everyone in the family thinks she is great) and i don't want to be hated by the whole family.

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr

rant over Laughing

princesssp8 · Joined: 27 Jun 2005 Posts: 20

i hope she doesnt turn out anything like mine have been so far i dont wish that on anyone.... i feel like i am never going to be good enough so i dont see why i should try. dont get me wrong i am nice as pie to her but only when i have to be, selfish i know but i cannot be bothered with them anymore they are out to ruin it whatever i think and as far as i am concerned they are not going to as hard as they may try!
I think you should just avoid talking about it infront of her and see if she brings it up, that way you wont feel like you are bringing it up all the time, and if she wants to talk about it she will and vice versa if she doesnt that way, you dont have the need to upset her and im sure in her own time she will come round. (fingers crossed its nothing and shes fine)